The Question
by Irhaboggle
Summary: Captain Maggots finally proposes to Contessa and the asylum learns that Emilie can legally marry people, or so she claims. But what does it matter? Just as long as the two lovebirds get to tie the knot, no one really cares how the wedding pans out, or how many people actually end up getting married in the ceremony.


Captain Maggots had just finished bellowing out another old sea shanty to entertain any asylum inmate who cared to listen. This particular song had been about a yellow and square-shaped sea sponge. It was a silly little tune, but the other inmates, amused by the song, laughed and clapped once Maggots finally finished the shanty. Maggots, meanwhile, pretended to pant and sweat dramatically.

"I think I need me some tea and cookies and muffins!" she cried and the other inmates laughed again. Maggots was something of the comical relief of the Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls. Although every girl there had her moment of hilarity, Maggots' moments seemed to occur the most often, and she knew it too, because she even gave that adorable and goofy little grin of hers as they laughed in agreement with her remark.

The orange-haired madwoman pranced away from her place on the asylum stage, it was the very same one which used to be used to prostitute the women inside the asylum, but after the inmates took over the asylum, the stage became one for concerts, comedies, plays and all manner of theater arts. Away from the stage Maggots hopped, skipping over to a table where refreshments lay in wait. A table piled high with pastries and teas was open to all who desired and Maggots didn't hesitate to pick up first teapot she saw and start drinking right from the spout. The other inmates of the asylum, new and old, laughed. Maggots grinned at them again, but before she could speak, someone else spoke first.

"Maggots!" and the young pirate captain recognized the voice at once. It was Contessa, another madwoman of the asylum. She was also Maggots' favorite fellow inmate, though she'd had yet to say so. She had actually tried to say so earlier, just a few minutes before coming out here to perform! But her tongue got tied at the last second and she'd bolted, going out to sing her shanty instead.

"Yes?" all of Maggots' earlier nervousness was gone, replaced by the high of getting to perform a song. She answered Contessa eagerly, totally missing the serious, and almost worried, expression upon the taller, older woman's face.

"You told me backstage you were about to ask me a question, then you left," Contessa replied quickly. "Do you wanna ask me that question now?"

Maggots did not respond at first, only finishing another gulp of tea, but then she looked Contessa dead in the eye and asked her question.

"WHY DID VERONICA PEE IN THE TEA?!" and then she slung the contents of the pot out at the watching inmates, who laughed and reared back as the warm, sticky liquid splattered out onto them. This was usual behavior for Maggots, so it didn't bother any of them.

"I suppose that was a question," Contessa replied, sounding a bit angry. "But I don't think that was the one you were supposed to ask me!" Meanwhile, Veronica slowly sidled up to Contessa and Maggots. She patted Contessa on the back and when Contessa turned around to see who had touched her, Veronica only stuck her tongue out with a playful grin before pointing at the teapot Maggots had just emptied over the nearest row of asylum inmates, raised her leg a bit, then she skipped merrily back the way she came, like she'd never even entered the auditorium at all.

"Well that was random!" someone muttered and Contessa couldn't help but agree...

But no matter! This was not going to distract Contessa from the real reason she'd come out here tonight! She turned an accusatory and demanding eye back on the little pirate captain. In response, the orange-haired captain gave her a sheepish grin.

"Well?" Contessa demanded. "What was your question?" and Maggots, still a bit high in the head, giggled a bit.

"Contessa?" Maggots giggled softly.

"Yes?" Contessa's answered at the same volume as Maggots, but it was clear she was far more invested in what Maggots had to say...

"Contessa?" Maggots repeated.

"Yes?" Contessa repeated.

"Contessa?"

"Yes?"

"CONTESSA?"

"...YES?!"

"CONTESSAWILLYOUMARRYME?!" and there it was. The question. All out in one, long, loud, continuous word.

"YESSSSS!" and there it was. The reply. Impossibly high-pitched and totally sincere.

After that moment, Contessa didn't hesitate to fling herself at Captain Maggots, kissing her passionately. Maggots responded with just as much fire. The two were very active during the kiss, breathing hard with hands running up and down bodies until Maggots finally hit the ground, Contessa lying right on top of her instead of trying to help them both get back up. They were still far too busy making out to notice or care about the fact that they were on the ground, or that all of the attendees were shrieking in delight, or the fact that the leader of the asylum herself, Emilie, was walking over, having heard the raucous all the way from a different wing of the asylum.

"What the Hell is going on over here?!" she shouted over the cheering girls and the making-out couple. At once, the entire auditorium fell silent and the inmates instinctively made a clear path straight from where Emilie was standing to where Captain Maggots and Contessa were still on the ground. Emilie took one look at them and frowned angrily, crossing her arms. Everyone else trembled.

"Wait, wait, wait a minute! There's making out going on in here and I'm not involved?" Emilie sounded genuinely offended, but it was all she needed to say for everyone else, Captain Maggots and Contessa included, to know she wasn't. They laughed, but Emilie kept up the charade of being irritated. "What in the Hell?" she muttered. In the distance, Veronica had returned to the room and she was busily making out with Aprella. Captain Maggots and Contessa made their exit then, darting back behind the stage, but because some of the stage lights were still on, the shadows gave away the fact that they had just continued to make out. Emilie rolled her eyes affectionately before turning to address the onlookers.

"You all know homosexual activity is illegal, right?" she asked. A somber silence settled over the crowd again and even Aprella and Veronica managed to tear themselves away from each other to look Emilie in the eye as she said this. "Or at least, in the outside world it is," she amended. "But in here?" a smile played across her face.

"It's legal?" a newer inmate, who had been sent here for that very crime, asked hopefully. Emilie didn't miss how her grip around her lover's hand tightened. Emilie felt a mix of anger, grief, protectiveness and sympathy wash over her at the sight, but she answered the question boldly.

"WELL, IT IS NOW!" and the entire crowd roared in delight and triumph while the girl who had asked the question looked absolutely relieved and the girl whose hand she held smiled, kissing her cheek gently. Emilie smiled warmly at them.

"Oh! But did you all know?" Emilie interrupted herself to address the crowd again, including Aprella and Veronica who had both since walked back into the auditorium and closer to Emilie. "According to the asylum records, I am legally able to marry people!"

"Really?" Aprella was genuinely surprised to know.

"Yeah," Emilie confirmed. "Remember that after we took over the asylum, I became it's new head, which means I can promote and demote people at will, so I've promoted myself to a priest. I can marry people!" the redheaded inmate gave a very smug smile while Aprella rolled her eyes.

"You can't just give yourself that title! It's cheating!" she insisted.

"Uh, yes I can," Emilie replied, still smug. "I gained the right to control this asylum through conquering it and now I get all the power that comes with it! Including the power to give anyone in this asylum, including myself, whatever title I see fit!"

"Including the title that says you have the right to marry people?" Aprella still looked incredulous, but Emilie's spirit and her little loophole had amused the gun-toting blond into agreement. So Emilie could now officiate weddings. That wasn't the strangest thing this asylum had ever done.

"And, I think some of us want the ceremony right now," Emilie was half speaking to Aprella and half speaking to Contessa and Captain Maggots, who had since scampered back over to Emilie's side after hearing that she could legally marry them. Although Emilie, herself, wasn't sure how she felt about the idea of getting married, or the idea of marriage in general, she knew that it was something Contessa and Captain Maggots both dearly wanted, so who was she to deny them their choice? She waved Captain Maggots and Contessa over.

"Wait! Wait! Let's get married in the asylum chapel! Please?" Contessa begged. Though very few of the inmates were religious, and among that number, even less of them were Christian, a lot of them still liked the concept of getting married in a chapel and Contessa was one of them. What's more, she had since created her own brand of religion (Contessology) and even though the description and layout of that religion was very shaky and unclear, it was still clear that at least a few elements were inspired off of other, pre-existing religions, like Christianity. There was prayer and, it seemed, chapels, involved in Contessology.

"If you wish," Emilie replied, then the entire pack of women moved away from the auditorium and towards the tiny, dingy chapel that the doctors used to worship in, or force the better-behaved inmates to go to pray that God would save their sinful and fallen souls from Satan. Along the way, the other inmates were rounded up until the entire asylum was headed to the little chapel. Not everyone could fit inside, but it was close enough.

"Are you ready, girls?" Emilie asked once Captain Maggots and Contessa were standing, hand in hand, in front of the old alter. Veronica and Aprella stood on either side of them, acting as best men, bridesmaids and ring-bearers all at once. Aprella held a large fan of feathers that she waved over Contessa and Captain Maggots while Veronica stood proudly beside them. All around, in the pews, sat the other inmates, clutching each other tightly as Emilie began the ceremony.

"We are gathered here today," she began slowly, almost saintly, but then she cut herself off at once. "And da-da-da-dum- say I do-dum-doo-dee-speak now or forever hold your peace-da-da-da-da-doo, and you may now kiss the bride!" and the onlookers laughed a little while Contessa and Captain Maggots obliged, kissing passionately and happily, murmuring soft words of love between kisses.

Veronica and Aprella watched Contessa and Captain Maggots kiss, envy and lust shining dimly in their eyes. Seeing this, and agreeing, Emilie repeated what she had just said.

"You may now kiss the bride!" and then she said it again and again and again. Each and every time, Aprella, Veronica, Emilie, Contessa and Captain Maggots kissed someone else. So, looks like all five of them were now married. To each other. But strange as that might've seemed to an outsider, it was more than normal here in the asylum.

"Oh wait a sec," Emilie paused for one moment. "Which one is the bride? Who's on top?" but when every hand went up, Emilie shrugged. "Oh well!" she decided. "You may now kiss the bride!"

After the ceremony was over and as everyone was leaving the chapel, Emilie pulled Contessa and Captain Maggots aside.

"Have you consummated yet?" she asked. Outwardly, they said no, but the truth was the exact opposite, and Emilie could tell.

"Ooooh! Can we consummate tonight?" Veronica overheard Emilie's question and asked one of her own, hopeful and excited.

"What about me?" Aprella pouted. Although monogamy was rare in the asylum, it was still sometimes easy to see distinct pairs amongst the girls. Contessa was with Captain Maggots (obviously) and Emilie was with Veronica (most of the time). That meant Aprella was a fifth ranger, no one who was her exact equal, but then the other four of her closest companions only grinned sweetly back at her.

"Don't worry," it was Emilie who answered. "Don't be jealous, your time is coming. We can all do it tonight! I've just been... distracted," she threw a look at Veronica and Veronica pretended to look innocent.

"I have no clue what you mean!" she smiled.

"Yes you do!" the others snorted.

"Well, either way, we'll all be consummating our newfound marriage tonight, so it doesn't really matter now, does it?" she asked.

"I'm not sure it works like that Veronica," Aprella raised an amused eyebrow.

"Sure it does!" Veronica insisted. "Or at least, in the asylum it does. Right Emilie?"

"Right," the redheaded inmate agreed, then, linking one hand with Veronica and one with Captain Maggots (who held onto Aprella and Contessa respectively), she walked back towards the main part of the asylum, all four of her new wives in tow. It was just another normal day in the Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls!

**AN: This is a written-out form of the "Contessa and Maggots get married" skit. In particular, it was based off the **

"**Gay Marrige and Maggot" (my favorite version)**

"**Captain Maggot sings a lovely song & makes a vow to Contessa"**

"**Contessa will you..." versions of the skit. **

**Also, sidenote about the plot, this is "Stage Canon". **

**Also, some background: In this fic, Emilie has since retaken the asylum from the doctors and is its new leader. As such, the girls have much more freedom to come and go at will and they have remodeled everything to better fit their needs. In this particular fic, the stage on which the real EA performed is, in the "Stage Canon" equivalent, the remodeled Opheliac Gallery (which the book mentions).**

**And the plot is pretty clear: Maggessa! Tis a cute ship!**


End file.
